THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF LAS VEGAS* ARRIVES IN LOS ANGELES IN JUST TWO WEEKS!
THE GAZILLIONAIRE ANNOUNCES
SALACIOUS TROUPE OF INTERNATIONAL ARTISTS
FOR ABSINTHE AT L.A. LIVE.
Limited engagement begins March 22
*Las Vegas Weekly (Nov. 16, 2016)
(Editor’s Note: Fabulous show! Geared for an adult audience, it’s certain to offend everyone!)
March 9, 2017 – Los Angeles. Self-proclaimed richest dude in Las Vegas and reluctant producer of the hit show ABSINTHE by Spiegelworld, The Gazillionaire today revealed the line-up of super-special, handpicked, international and underground acts that will be featured in the show’s limited Los Angeles engagement, starting Wednesday, March 22 at L.A. LIVE.
The Gazillionaire said, “I spend way too many weeks of my life sifting through every broken down Eastern European circus and smelly dive bar from Tokyo to Toledo gathering the most jaw-dropping acts for my show. It’s not easy finding this level of talent – and they have to be hot too! Bonafide and boneable! There were a few tiny misunderstandings about some of the foreign performers’ past records, but after a quick call to the White House and the Bank of Cyprus, I am delighted to announce that we’re now able to bring the full cast into Los Angeles, with TSA Pre-check! Hey, free tickets to all the terrific guys at LAX. This is the most extraordinary, most expensive cast I’ve ever assembled. To be honest, most of these skinny acrobats are just desperate to get into the U.S. and they’re happy to work for vodka and cigarettes. They really don’t eat.”
ABSINTHE is hosted by the filthy rich and just plain filthy Gazillionaire and his idiotic sidekick Daisy Dibbles. He invites you to bring cash or plastic to the fully functional bar inside his tent, sit back, enjoy a stiff drink, and let the show just pour over you like a champagne shower. The audience is uncomfortably intimately gathered around a tiny, nine-foot diameter stage, where you are as close to the action as you can legally get.
We’ll just let the Gazillionaire introduce the cast in his own words…
“ Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Absinthe!…. One sip from the intoxicating green liqueur, and our bartender Edmund takes flight seeking to reach the apex of the Spiegeltent, reaching for the stars, in an amazing feat of balance and poise.
“Then imagine, if you will, magically descending from the clouds of Edmund’s hallucination, the delightful Green Fairy lands sylph-like on stage, igniting the evening with her seductive song.
“The Lost Boys are as strong and buff as 1,000 pounds of beef Stroganoff. I think they might be from Russia. Or Belarus. Or maybe Ukraine. They speak no English whatsoever. Between vodka shots, these four meatheads use every gymnastic routine in the book to try to fly out through the roof of the tent. They just can’t shake that urge to defect.
“Next, a sensuous aerial ballet from Sweden proves that passion can overcome anything, even gravity. Like a scene from a romantic Ingmar Bergman movie musical, Mr & Mrs Slutspurt fly above our heads in a captivating pas de deux, restrained only by their tight, sweaty bondage straps.
“All the way from Mexico, Los Dos Tacos can leap any wall in a single bound. On the horizontal bars, these muscled muchachos become a living foosball match. They twist, turn, flip and pass within inches of each other as they fly dangerously from one bar to the other. Your mouth will be watering for the whole enchilada once you get a taste of their act.
“The hallucination we’re all sharing suddenly takes a mind-blowing twist. Bubble Girl is un-naturally beautiful and bendy. But due to her life-threatening allergies, she sadly must live inside a hermetically sealed plastic bubble environment. Believe me, I have tried to get in there with her several times, but alas we all just have to admire her seductive charms from the outside.
“Where Bubble Girl is bouncy, Max Matterhorn is granite. Rock hard. Positively chiseled. And whereas she is bright, he is dumb. But he can balance on a pole. At my insistence, Max is dating Bubble Girl, just so that I can fantasize about the positions they get into.
“I let my assistant Daisy pick up this next act somewhere on Venice Beach. Roller skaters if you can believe it! They are probably terrible and haven’t worked since the filming of Xanadu. But they’re cheap. Please stay seated during this act, or you will get kicked in the face. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you The Twizzlers.
“Speaking of local talent, I’ve been a regular at Rhino since landing in LA. I’ve decided I’m going to add a segment to the show called “the best stripper from last night’. My first pick chose her stripper name by combining the name of her first pet with the street she grew up on. You’re gonna love Misty West 88th Street. Idiot.
“And finally, I present to you, the Silicon Valley Girls. Twitter, Facebook and Instagram all insist that you post as they perform their amazing feats of strength and grace (#SiliconValleyGirls). What these girls do together has to be shared to be believed. And the more likes they get, the more they’ll share. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is just a taste of ABSINTHE at L.A. LIVE.”
The #1 Greatest Show in Las Vegas history according to Las Vegas Weekly, ABSINTHE has been playing to sold-out audiences at the world’s most famous casino, Caesars Palace, since 2011 and celebrates its sixth anniversary there in April.
The New York Times said, “Imagine Cirque du Soleil as channeled through The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Stage and Cinema said, “Loud, abrasive and in your face … the show wears its vulgarity like a badge of honor. The large audience whooped and hollered through the entire evening.” The Chicago Sun-Times said, ”Totally off-the-wall, sexy, funny, unabashedly raunchy.” Huffington Post has said, “If you only see one show in your entire life, make it ABSINTHE. It reminded me of what’s great about Vegas.”
Tickets, starting at $49, are now on sale at Abinsthela.com. The performance schedule is Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 7:30p; Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30p and 9:30p; and Sundays at 5:30 and 7:30p. L.A. LIVE’s event deck is at 1005 Chick Hearn Ct., Los Angeles CA 90015.
CALENDAR LISTING FOR ABSINTHE at L.A. LIVE’s Event Deck
ABSINTHE by Spiegelworld, presented by L.A. LIVE
Venue: Spiegelworld Tent at L.A. LIVE’s Event Deck
1005 Chick Hearn Ct., Los Angeles CA 90015
Dates: Begins March 22 for a limited engagement
Press opening Thursday, March 23 at 8:30p
Tickets: Prices – Starting at $49
Purchase – please visit AbsintheLA.com
Performance Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 7:30p
Schedule: Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30p and 9:30p
Sundays at 5:30 and 7:30p
Note: special previews – Wednesday, March 22 at 7:30p and 9:30p